i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
