if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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