Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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