U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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