I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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