Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
