I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
