Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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