i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
