Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
