I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
