You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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