let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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