All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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