I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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