Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
