I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
