I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
