You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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