it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
