at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
