First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
