She is in my trunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
