i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wish there were birth control emojis
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
