I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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