When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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