I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
