She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
