you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize