In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
