I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
