he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
