wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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