he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize