Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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