That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
