I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
