K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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