So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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