then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You made out with two different species that night
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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