The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
