glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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