I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
