DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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