So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
