those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
