It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
