five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
