i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
