I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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