Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
