We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
