in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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