he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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