so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's blow job season.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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