She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
