I just cut my nipple shaving
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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