You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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