Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
